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First year High School.

We went to different schools. But that doesn’t stop me from hearing stories about him. Like he is really really good at class and getting high grades… and that he had a girlfriend {ouch!}. Well I don’t know if that’s true, I have no way to confirm it, or it’s just rumors but still then, I was already hoping it is not true. And that I was really really hoping that this time he’ll give me a glance. I know I was barely a teen, but I guess when you saw someone you really want to spend your forever with, you want that moment to start immediately.

Second year comes and he transferred school. He was in my class too! And I remember then I told my bestfriend, Claire, how this new boy was my long time crush. And though it’s been years, I’m glad that Sweet {as I call her} still recalls that I told her that. But still, he & I barely talk to each other. I didn’t even catch him glance my way. That is just my silent wish, just a glance!

But in between those dreams, I gave up hoping. I entered into a relationships! I had my first boyfriend, and then the second and then the third one!

But sometimes, I secretly dreams of him being my boyfriend, and what is it like to be his girl. Whenever he texts me or sent me messages or heard a news about him, I still remember those long buried feelings I had for him then. He is my ideal man. The man I ever wanted but I knew I will never have.

After graduating from high school on 2005, it is inevitable that we’ll go separate ways. We entered into different schools. I lost communication with most of my classmates. I don’t exactly remember how it happens, but one day he asked me to go out and have lunch with him. I was frantic and nervous of course. But I had two of my close friends then to come with me. I kind of regret it now though. But I was really nervous that I asked them to come along without thinking about it first.

But that was it, after that lunch, we parted ways again. We lost communication… Next thing I knew, he had a girlfriend.

…I still remember the date, January 30, 2007, that I had a room mate, Ate Gladys, who told me that Wem once wants to court me, but he can’t since I had boyfriend. I was delighted by that news, I was on break-up stage then with my boyfriend, so I thought why not give it a try again. I am silently wishing that he’s not in a relationship too.

I started with a simple love quote text. I forgot what it was, but I won’t forget what he responded: “Syempre, mahal kita! Gf kita eh!” Of course that got me confused. And then that “Long-Buried-Feeling” I had with him resurfaced. That texting of love quotes continues and he still responded to it. I’m confused even more. I asked someone for an advice, Kuya Mark, I ask what does it means? And he simply says, it means just the way it is, since guys don’t text like that unless he’s a playboy and don’t really mean it. Now I don’t know what to do.

February 4, it was then that I confessed what I was feeling for him. That I am feeling something for him already. And that if he was feeling the same way…

… Sad to say, it seems like he was madly in love with his then girlfriend. And then he broke my heart… for the second time!

And at that time, I said enough of him! If fate wants for us to be together or not, so be it. I had to fix my relationship… and my heart…

Although my past relationships ends… Sometimes, it just didn’t turn out the way you want it to be… You’ll never know, there might be someone better for you out there… someone who’ll treat you the way you’re supposed to be treated.

{to be continued…}